Some of the most important conversations with young people happen when you least expect them: in the car, over a snack, or while you’re doing something completely ordinary.

In Let’s Talk: Communicating with Today’s Youth, I shared a story about the years I spent coaching basketball and how those road trips changed the way I approached communication:

“I’ll admit that there were road trips where all I wanted to do was escape the car, but through each adventure, I was grateful for the experience. These girls trusted me, and in return, I gave them truthful and open dialogue in a way that I had not in the past with other youth. Again, they taught me how to first listen, then they helped me learn how to effectively communicate through a foundation of trust.”

That lesson has stayed with me. We tend to overthink the “big talk” and underappreciate the dozens of little conversations that add up to connection. When a teenager drops a bombshell in the car, it’s rarely because they planned a dramatic reveal; it’s typically because the car is a safe place. They’re facing forward, you’re not making eye contact, and the pressure is low. That’s when walls come down.

Why Car Rides and Snacks Matter

Car rides and snack breaks are powerful because they are unstructured moments. There’s no audience, there’s no stage, and there’s no pressure. In these settings, kids are more likely to bring up what’s really on their minds because the environment feels casual.

Psychologists describe “parallel play” as when children play side-by-side, doing similar things, yet without interacting directly. This is an important developmental bridge toward more interactive social play (Parten, 1932; Bakeman & Brownlee, 1980) Psychologists often suggest that this “parallel play” concept can make conversations feel safer. When we’re not staring a young person down, they feel less judged and more willing to speak honestly.

Turning Ordinary into Extraordinary

Beyond this tip from researchers, the key is to stop seeing these moments as throwaway time. The car ride isn’t just a commute from one place to the next, it’s a mobile confessional. A late-night kitchen visit isn’t just a snack; it’s an invitation to connect.

If we treat these moments as interruptions, we’ll miss the magic. If we plan for these moments and lean in, pause the podcast, set down the phone, and just listen, we can transform them into opportunities for trust-building that last a lifetime.

3 Quick Tips to Building Trust in Ordinary Moments

Be Present in the Ordinary – Put the phone down, turn the music down, and let silence invite conversation.
Match Their Energy – If they joke, laugh with them. If they get serious, stay calm.
Don’t Rush to Fix – Resist the urge to lecture or solve. Just stay with them in the moment and start with listening.

The Long Game of Trust

Trust isn’t built in one big conversation; it’s built in a hundred small ones. Every time a young person opens up, you’re making a deposit into the “trust account.” Every time we dismiss, minimize, or overreact, we make a withdrawal, and those overdraft fees are expensive.

When kids know they can bring you the small stuff without fear, they’ll bring you the big stuff when it matters most. The goal isn’t perfect parenting or flawless teaching, the goal is consistency. It’s our job to shows kids, “You can trust me, even on the hard days.”

A Final Word and a Sneak Peek

If this resonates with you, Let’s Talk goes even deeper into these small but powerful moments and how to use them to strengthen your relationship with the young people in your life. This blog series will keep exploring these everyday opportunities through November, then in December, we’ll dig into bigger questions about where our communication habits come from and how generational patterns affect the way we connect.